As an all-wise, incorruptible Colorado judge impartially decides whether Coloradans should be allowed to have ballots showing the name of the Evil Civil War Criminal Who Totally Overthrew the Nice Good Democratic Government, it’s important to remember that Colorado is special. Even though judges in other states have already said the de-balloting effort is ridiculous, not to mention unconstitutional, we are not like everybody else. We are at high altitude and it is literally our destiny to look down upon the other states. Here are some other reasons to keep Him Who Must Not Be Named off the ballot:
People get easily overwhelmed by having too many choices; we’re making things easier on them.
We don’t have to have poll watchers for That Person if there is no such candidate on the ballot.
Good precedent for excluding other people we don’t like. If you ever went 80 in a 75mph zone, you were rebelling against the government, which is overthrowing democracy just like Robert E. Lee, you Civil War criminal you!
Do you know how much ink it costs to print a name? After paying for (and paying off) the election machines, we need to save money wherever we can!
Less ink means ballots will weigh slightly less, which over thousands of ballots will save money on postage too!
We won’t need all the fake ballots to outvote Orange Man. So we don’t have to pay ballot mules, the people who fill in fake ballots, or those who go to nursing homes to help dementia patients vote for the dementia patient. We can send all that money to the poor Ukraine fighters. Or Israel. Or Hamas. Or whatever is the money laundry this week….
Being told who you can and can’t vote for is a tactful way to help people realize all elections are for show, without having to say the conspiracy theorists were right yet again.
When everyone votes for Biden, that’s a mandate from the voters!
It’s much better graphic design to just have one name in the center of the ballot.
Political Humor article by Cincinnatia, Colorado Free Press Contributor