07/27/2024
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Political Humor Piece
Dustin Snodgrass is at the doctor’s. “It’s my sense of balance, Doctor. I seem to have lost it.”
Doctor Notfauci peers at Snodgrass, who has fallen and can’t get up. “Hmm, very serious. Sensations from your inner ear which trump – “
“Racist!”
“As I was saying, your vision is trumped by – “
“Bigot! Tax cheat! Unelectable!”
“Hmm. Your reflexes are very sensitive there. Inflamed maybe. Have you been listening to inflammatory news?”
Snodgrass hung his head. “Maybe.”
“Mmm. Very concerning. Now let’s check your sense of perspective, which is connected to your sense of humor. Tell me, can a white man be a woman?”
“Of course!”
“Or a cat? Or a river?”
“If xe feels xeself to be.”
“Can a white man understand a black lesbian?”
“Never! “
“Well, this is the most atrophied sense of perspective I’ve ever seen. Let’s check how far it goes. We’re still counting the ballots.”
No reaction.
“Adults who were abused as a child should be pitied and coddled, and allowed to abuse children because those little brats deserve it.”
Snodgrass nodded vigorously.
“The government is here to help you. The FBI and IRS consider you innocent until proven guilty. I have a completely safe experimental vaccine here for you, you don’t need to know what’s in it.”
“Yes please, may I have another jab?”
“NO.” The doctor shook his head. “This is terrible. There’s got to be a sense of humor in there somewhere. Safest, most secure election ever? Masks work?”
Snodgrass immediately donned his mask and apologized for having breathed within the room.
“Worse and worse. How about this one, inflation is good for the economy. Oh, and we’re still counting the ballots.”
No reaction.
“81 million people love Joe Biden, and we’re still counting the ballots.”
A slight twitch of facial muscles.
“Ethical government contractors respond to questions about their software by suing everybody in sight.”
A smirk.
“We’re still counting the ballots.”
“HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HEE HEE HOO HA!”
“Well, I’m glad to see there is a sense of humor in there after all. You’re not such a hopeless case. Take the Colorado Free Press daily, three conversations with normal people before supper, plus a walk in the sunshine, and we’ll have you back on your feet in no time.”
Political Humor Piece by Cincinnatia, Colorado Free Press Contributor
